Blood clots, weight loss, and depression! Oh my!

Hello!!

I hope you all are doing well! Me? I'm surviving. After reading this post I hope you'll have a better understanding of what I mean when I say that.

Its been a while since I've done a proper post and I figure I better start with where the hell I've been. I haven't had too much happen but enough that I know I am not the same person that I was maybe two years ago.

We'll start out at the beginning of 2017. I wanted 2017 to be the year of Nicole, I wanted to get back on track with taking care of myself, feeling good and just living life and being happy. Yeah...that didn't happen. At all. Late 2016 I found out I was going to be an aunty again and believe me I was super happy for my best friend who has been my BFF/sister for 13 years now. As the rest of 2016 went on and 2017 began I wanted to be super happy and looking forward to a spring baby, but my depression which I thought I had a handle on decided to break free.

I began to feel jealous that my bestie was on to her second baby, she has an amazing boyfriend (now fiance) and her was poor Nicole, no boyfriend, still living at home with no prospects. Hello pity party for one here.

I was also sad that I was turning 30 in 2017. And something that was really sad was I resigned myself to the fact that maybe I wasn't meant to meet someone or have kids of my own. This is how my brain was functioning at the time.

I confessed these feelings to my bestie shortly after she gave birth to my newest niece Emilia Grayce.

This was taken just a couple days after Emilia made her debut. 

My best friend who has been there for me through so much suggested that maybe I should join an online dating site and see what happens. I had tried it once in the past and it didn't really pan out for me so I kind of put dating off for while.

However this time I would meet someone who would change everything. I had gotten messages from guys, ones I didn't want to respond to I just didn't feel anything. Then one day I got a message from a guy. We'll call him Mr. S. Well Mr. S. sent me a message that wasn't any more special than the others but for some reason I wanted to message him back, badly. I took a whole day to do it. But once I did we just clicked. About a few days after talking we decided to meet up and after that we hung out a lot.  We went to some amazing places.

30th Birthday adventures. 

I went camping for the first time with Mr. S. 

I was loving our lazy weekends.

He made me so happy.


We got close but never defined our relationship, and that's the way it was for a few months. But Mr. S, made me feel alive, I started loosing weight because I wanted to look good for him, and for myself. He made me feel beautiful like no one else ever had. Sadly during the fall, Mr. S. and I had a huge fight. He wasn't ready to settle down and along with some other personal things, it all just blew up and we stopped talking and even unfriended each other from Facebook. I was miserable. If my depression was already bad this was the tipping point for things to get worse.

On top of Mr.S and I 'breaking up' things at home were bad too. My dad went into the hospital for sometime and it was just one thing after another.

Then Thanksgiving hit.

Around the beginning of November I had developed a horrid cough where I couldn't take a deep breath. I thought it was an upper respiratory infection, or bronchitis, and that I get it every year and it would go away on its own. But it didn't. So Thanksgiving I went to work and suddenly as I walked into the pharmacy I felt like everything rushed to my head and I was unsteady. When I got to my computer I became short of breath and freaked out calling out for my boss who is my savior. After almost an hour of sitting and not being able to stand or walk a long distance with out feeling like I couldn't breathe my mom came and took me to the urgent care that is ideally across the street from where I work.

From there we found out my heart rate was in the 130's while I was sitting down, Your heart rate should never be that high unless your intensely working out. My oxygen level was 89%, it should never go down below 95%. So I was sent by ambulance to the ER at the local hospital. After a blood test called the D-dimer, its a test that identifies if you have possible blood clots, the  test  came back positive so they sent me for a Cat scan to see if I had blood clots in my lungs.

I had massive blood clots in both lungs with my right lung worse then my left. I had to then be transferred to a new hospital who could save me.

The morning of Thanksgiving before it all went south. 

A few hours later 

I had to have procedure done to break up the blood clots and was in the hospital a total of 5 days.  I could have died. The whole reason for these clots? Birth control. It was the only different thing I started two months earlier. Since this whole thing I have had a battery of test done, especially testing to see if I had inherited risk factors that could of caused this. Nope every single test came back negative so far. I knew that would happen, and I'm glad it did, it means I won't be on blood thinners the rest of my life and I can still have kids.

During this time Mr.S and I reconnected and have started hanging out again. We are not dating but you never know what the future holds.

Since my stay in the hospital I swore 2018 would be the year I take care of me. While in the hospital I dropped 10 pounds making my grand total of weight loss since I met Mr. S 45 pounds. I have about 35 pounds more to loose and I think I'll be in a good place.

The photo of me in the pink tank top is from 2015 and the one in the mint one is from just a few weeks ago. 

I'm thankful for the push that Mr. S. gave me to begin loosing weight. I'm also amazed at how much depression and stress had a hand in it and I didn't go back to my old ways of eating. I honestly thought I was sick and that's why I lost so much weight but I'm actually super healthy according to doctors.

I have also sought out help with my depression and anxiety. Every day is a battle for me. Some days are really good and then other days I go to work and I feel I can't breathe and I have vice grip around my rib cage. Or I'll be with friends and want to leave because I just can't sit there and be happy and I don't want to burden anyone. I have had days where I've said allowed that I just want to disappear, or go into hiding until I feel better.  I doubt myself on a regular basis, need reassurance that things will be okay. And when its the bad days I can cry at the drop of hat.  Right before I went into the hospital I went to an Open Access Clinic for Mental health and since I have gone back twice now to talk to counselors and I'm on the waiting list for a therapist. I don't know whats going to come of this, but I know I need help in managing everything and talking to someone who doesn't know me.

As of my last session my counselor used the term "broken". I had called myself that before but to hear someone else say it, it hit me hard. I was told I have to take care of me, learn to love me, take care of me or else I'll be stuck the rest of my life. These things I've known about myself, but my issue is where do I start?

So that was my 2017 in a nutshell. If you really want me to make a video going into greater detail let me know and I'll do my best to make it happen.

Thanks for reading! Until next time.

Welcome back!

Hi there! Welcome back! Not only to you but to me as well! It has been a long time hasn't it?

Almost two years, well if I had let this go to October it would of been. However Happy 2018 to you all I hope that your New Year has started off great. Mine has been so-so not terrible but not amazing, but I do believe its only bound to get better! 

This right here maybe one of the starting points. If you are reading this post and thinking, didn't this used to have a different name, you would be right. Seven years ago next month on March 18th to be exact is when I first started blogging and created My Nails. My Polish. I was 23 years old, had no clue about painting my nails, makeup, skin care, editing, you name it; I was a noob. I was heavily into reading nail polish blogs and seeing swatches of new collections and thinking at one point that I could put my two cents into this ring and start a blog. And so I did. You can still go back and look at my first post if you want and cringe at how bad my cuticles were or how I had no idea about clean up. 

Over the next few months to years I fell in love with nail polish and was posting mostly about it, then I transitioned into beauty products and fell head over heels in love with that and slowly nail polish kind of faded away for me. Don't get me wrong I still look at it in the stores, or swatch posts when new collections come out and I ogle over them but painting my nails just wasn't doing it for me any more. 

In the last couple of years blogging and Youtubing in themselves kind of faded away for me. I wanted to make them a priority and put my heart and soul into them, I still do. Sadly life has had other plans that showed me I needed to put away the blog and YouTube, I wasn't in love with them anymore I was getting bored and it was beginning to feel like a chore, a chore I didn't have time for and well in this blogging world if you want to be any sort of successful you need to put the time and effort in. I didn't want to put out crappy content or half-assed posts, so I stepped away. 

I have been still somewhat active on social media, not a whole lot, mostly Instagram where I even changed my name there but now it will be changing back to a blog Instagram. I do have a personal insta that will be staying private for me. 

This revamp of My Nails. My Polish. has been a long time coming, I wanted to change everything a while back but decided not to. This 'new' blog will be a bit about everything. Things like, life, beauty, relationship stuff, fashion, home, and things in between. 

I did say on snapchat earlier that I didn't think I would be getting back into making videos anytime soon. I have a lot I want to do before I venture down that path again. So I'm getting back to my roots where I started seven years ago. Be prepared for lots of photos and long post to sit and read through with a cup of tea or whatever drink you prefer! 

I hope that you guys will continue to follow along as I get back on my feet and see where this new adventure takes me. 

Until next time! 

Nicole

Life update/Rant...a bit more ranty though.

Life....

Life is; busy, balancing work, social life, family obligations, paying bills, going to appointments. 

I hate being an adult.

I started blogging over five years ago. That's insane by the way! Not that I have EVER been consistent or anything. I wish I was. I know I tried to get myself on a schedule more than once but that four letter word gets in the way and all of this gets put to the back burner and sat there to simmer for god knows how long. 

When I started my blog, I had much more time on my hands. I worked a schedule where I was home most of the day so sitting on the computer or playing with nail polish was possible.I had much more energy five years ago, staying up till 2am swatching was totally awesome. I would put on Netflix and go to work.  I miss that. Now I work full time, and on my days off I’m running errands, going to doctor appointments and spending time with friends and family. Which is totally awesome too by the way, don’t get me wrong.  I also got to bed by 10pm every night and if I do stay up late I barely make it to midnight and if I happen to make it to 2am I am shattered the next day. 

When did I become an adult? I have managed to blog and YouTube in the last few months and that's great, I feel really accomplished when I manage to post something. I see my other blogging friend doing this as a regular thing and I think; “How do they manage everything?” 

I intended this post to be a life update, but theres not much to update, and now its become kind of rangy hasn't it? 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still going to blog and make videos, but I just may not post regularly. All of this started out as a hobby, a hobby that I still love and obsess over. I just don't get to post about it much. Maybe one day I will find a way to make blogging and Youtubing a regular thing. 

For now though, I hope you guys, the lovely people that still read here when I post, or like a photo on my Instagram, will stick with me and my irregular posting! Thank you all who have been here for the last five years and I here's to the next five! 

And since you have made it to the end of this post here is a cute picture of Kitkat, ( my kitty if you didn’t know that already :) ) I'll talk to you soon! <3 Nicole

Welcome to my Fitness Journey!

Hey guys! Long time no blog, I know. I know. How is your 2016 going? For myself I have to say so far that mine is going fairly well. Much better than years past I will tell you that. Even though I haven't been writing out blog post I have been taking lots of photos and trying out product so I can review them properly for you! 

Today though, I am introducing you guys to a new (hope to be) series on the blog. 

Over the years I realized I’ve come to not only love nail polish, and makeup, but also fashion and life style things. So here is a little bit of lifestyle! Today’s post is going to be about fitness, well my the beginning of my fitness journey anyway.

One of my top goals for this year is to get healthy. I briefly mentioned it my Year In Review, if you want to read all about 2015 feel free to click the link. Since my teenage years I’ve been in the overweight/plus size category and have tried every which way to loose weight. Whether it was by dieting, (which never worked), or joining the gym on and off since I was 15. Honestly going to he gym makes me feel self conscious, I always felt like everyone stares at you and silently judges. Its definitely not the scene for me. 

I think my failures also had a lot to do with the fact I wasn’t putting my health as a priority. WHICH IS NOT A GOOD IDEA BY THE WAY!  I used to make it a priority that my family, and friends came first, I’ve always said I’m a people pleaser, if others are happy then I’m doing my job. 

But I since realized that I had to start taking care of me, which most people agreed, some didn’t. But if I’m not good health, how can I help others?

In July of last year I started working out and (sort of )  watching what I was eating. I got inspired when I saw Anna Saccone ( from the SacconeJolys) talk about how she hired a personal trainer to help her meet  her fitness goals. Anna put out a video with her trainer Lucy Wyndham Read and I fell in love with it. It was simple, and I could do it in the privacy of my own home whenever I wanted. 

So of course the next thing I did was buy some brightly colored workout clothes. I feel it makes me want to workout more if I have cute clothes to do it in.

I love picking out workout gear that has motivation sayings on them
even if they are kind of cheesy sometimes.

I then started doing the one video when I had a spare moment. I had yet to check out Lucy's YouTube channel and see all the awesome videos she posts! l I’m not gonna lie there were maybe one or two weeks that went by where I didn’t workout at all because I was lazy about it. I could name all the excuses, I was too tired, its too hot outside, I worked late, etc. However when I did finally do a workout I felt amazing!

If you are looking for new at home workouts to do then you should definitly checkout Lucy's Channel! I should go into what kind of workouts Lucy does, she does what is called a H-I-I-T workout or High-Intensity-Interval-Training Workouts. You may or may not have heard of them. In most of Lucy's videos she shows you a HIIT move then a toning move. Basically HIIT workouts get your heart rate up to burn calories,then brings it down a little to tone, then right back up again to burning calories. I hope I explained that right. I have never sweat so much after a workout in my life!

Heres a pretty sweaty selfie from after a workout last summer.

 But like any beginner you can’t push yourself too hard, your body has limits and if your not used to working out, you could injure yourself. At first I only did as much as my body could,I modified the workout to suit my range of motion and so on.  Now seven months later my stamina and range of motion have increased greatly and now I am doing four separate workouts in one shot!

Heres a link to Lucys Youtube Channel so you can check out her videos for yourself!


My current routine goes as so: 

1.Warm up routine

2. 4 minute thigh routine

3. Love HIIT Workout.

4: 180 Ab rep workout. 

In total its just shy of a half an hour. Sometimes I change up the videos so I don’t get bored or repetitive. Lucy has so many videos to choose from you could do a new work out routine every day! 

Over the last seven months I have definitely seen a change in my body. I haven’t lost as much weight as I would like to, but I’ve noticed I’m toning up my body which is nice. What I have to work on now is my diet. Cutting out sugar, and crap foods is hard, but I don’t want to cut them out completely I’m trying to find a balance. 

I know this is all going to take time and is not going to happen overnight. I’m not looking for that; “I dropped 100 pounds in a year”, I want to do this my way, and at my own pace. 

I plan on doing monthly updates to hold myself more accountable. If anyone out there has any tips or advice, please leave a comment below!! 

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a even more magnificent weekend! 

Dealing With Depression, and stepping out of my comfort zone.

Good Morning lovelies. Today's post isn't going to be beauty related, however it is going to be life related.

I've been absent from the blog and YouTube the last three weeks after saying I was back and hopefully going to stick to a fairly easy schedule. I even bought a planner to plan out post and videos to make it even easier.

If you have been following me here or on social media, especially Twitter, you may or may not know since last October I had begun dealing with a lot of stress, related to work and home life. At time I took to Twitter to rant or post an update here. Well during that time I started suffering from depression. I have struggled with it on and off most of my life since I was teen, and I know people these days talk about how every blogger and YouTuber have depression. I just have never gone public with mine. Every time I would mention it to my parents, their response would be "What do you have to be depressed over?" I wouldn't know how to form it into words at that time, in fact I still don't.

Over that time from October to now I knew the depression was getting bad because I just gave up on myself. I stopped doing my hair, stopped putting on makeup and I was putting not at all healthy food into my body. I simply just didn't give a you-know-what- anymore. I was also having anxiety attacks as well. It would happen when I would dread getting up for work and I would wake up covered in sweat, my heart pounding in my chest. I felt like I shouldn't leave the house, and once or twice I didn't.  My co-workers began to notice it, my dad ignored it and my mom finally understood one night when I was in a complete breakdown.


So.. why am I making this into a blog post? I am making this into a blog post because that even though the worst of my depression has passed and some things have changed, there are still some days or weeks where the tiny embers that were the really bad depression spark up and become a roaring fire again.

I am hoping to go see a new doctor this month and maybe get better advice on how to deal with things or maybe even find a professional to talk to. Plus I want my readers to know that its okay to reach out and talk to someone, someone you have trust in, whether its a teacher, a doctor, a friend, or a relative. In this day depression and having anxiety shouldn't be a subject we just sweep under the rug.

The one person who has been there with me throughout this whole time besides my mom, was my best friend Stephanie. Even though she was going through her own crap she never once turned me away.

And this weekend she proved to me again I am stronger than I think. Saturday night after she got done with work we met up by chance at Wal-Mart and she convinced me to drive up to the lake and chill out for the night. I had never driven up to the lake before by myself. I have a huge fear of driving places I have never been, I also have and irrational fear of getting lost. I was doubting myself every step of the way until we were actually on our way.

When we got up there and I realized that it wasn't as bad as I thought and I saw the view, I had a sense of pride that I stepped out of my comfort zone. We ate dinner up there, went hiking, and even built a sand castle on the beach.

If you follow me on Instagram (if you don't you should click the icon at the top of the page) You saw three of the photos from our trip, but here they are again along with a few others.

Who can be stressed looking at this view. 

We hiked up to area where a large old hotel used to stand in the Catskill Mountains. Since it was up in the mountains when it caught fire in the late 1800's fire trucks couldn't get to it and so it burned to the ground. Whats left now is a nice picnic area, and a lovely board that explains all about the hotel.

The cool thing is if you go towards the edge you can see some engravings in the rocks, they recommend you take paper and a pencil and you can make etchings, there are five main ones I believe

This is the view from the summit of where the hotel sat. 

Me trying to take a selfie with the view, I plan on going back again soon, so I'll try for a better one. 

And this was the lake as the sun set. It looks like a painting and is by far my favorite photo. I think I might get this one printed for my room. 

All in all what I have learned through all of the last 10 months is that I am stronger than I know. I have to keep believing that things will get better, that there is a light out there for me. I am ready to take more chances and do things on my own now. I shouldn't be afraid, because I could be missing out on whats on the other side.

I hope that any of you that read this know that too. You are not alone in your struggle. If you need help, seek it.

Here are some numbers to help anyone that needs it. These numbers are directly from the U.S. Dept. Of Health and Human Services.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline –1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) 

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline –1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)

I'll talk to you all soon. <3 Nicole

Throwback Thursday: Memories from May and June.

Hi lovelies!

Today I thought I would do something completely new. As much as this is a beauty blog I also want to start injecting it with a bit of lifestyle and maybe some fashion in the future. By no means am I an expert on either but I thought it would give My Nails. My Polish a little variety.

So today I'm using Throwback Thursday to share with you some of my favorite photos from May and June, sine it now July 2nd and its the day before my birthday!!!

So lets start with some moments from May!